An explanation how a romantic sadomasochistic D/s realationship works (for us)
First, i am not a service masochist, i like to recieve pain because of the pain itself, so does my Mistress like to inflict consensual pain on me. We practicing a form of RACK where i still have a safewort but barely use it. Given to the long time Mistress and i practicing SM together, she knows when to stop.
To put it in words. I want to be beaten up, verbal degradet, humiliated and handled like a piece of trash and my Mistress want to do exactly all this to me. This extreme way of giving in to our both sexuall desire is completly cut off from every other daylie D/s or playsessions we do and ofc aswell from our daylielife as couple. In our daylielife we practice a soft 24/7 D/s by keeping the dynamic but still being practical about me working, doing sport and so on.
I worship her, be as devot and respectfull as i can be to make her feel good in her roll because thats what turns her on, aswell i am in very basic aspects of my daylielife restrictet and needs her permission to do things like buying stuff, what i am allowed to wear or if i am allowed to go out for example. Basically everything i like or is considered a priviledge can be taken away from me for punishment matters or just because Mistress likes me to feel her controll.
To make her happy and feel safe while she's topping me and that includes our hard SM is to let her know that i am okay if shes pushing me really hard to my limit, beyond the boundrys we set. As a sub i am like her as my Dom responsible for communication cuz my Mistress is getting to her limit too. She makes for me very hurtfull mistakes due to that we explore everything together. Everytime something is new for me, its also new for her. For example we are just starting into using ropes and basically learning everything about it from scraps, you can imagine that a improper placed rope starting to cut of blood circulation or an imprecise stroke with the cane hitting a bone are very hurtfull in a bad way. My mistress feels bad if she's making a mistake and hurt me in a bad way. Ther is nothing to forgive on my end, but she feels better if i tell her everything is ok. To be in a romantic realationship besides being giver and reciever in an SM realationship means to always strictly seperate both of them, while our D/s lifestyle has no really boundrys towards our romantic one, more is a mayor part of it, the SM part stops with the end of the session, turning into intensive aftercare in an soft D/s enviroment.
A Dom is learning everyday like the sub and the important thing is not to be perfect and never made a mistake, but to react in the right way, and Mistress never failed me in that point.
Alot of mistakes happen over the years, some are very hurtfull ending for me in two cases even in the ER but she always did all in her power to put me out of the bad situation immediately. To hold and compfort me the second i was out of danger, or just couldnt handle more thats for me the important thing, making a good Dom i trust in every situation. A bad situation can so turn into a trust building one and in most cases we proceed after we both calmed down.
As her girlfrind i support her while she studies, be there for her if she needs some advice, just wanna trashtalk about others, or just hold her in a difficulty moment and let her feel safe when she needs to cry. We never wanted to sacrifice anything important in our realationship like being ther for each other to fit into BDSM steriotypes, thats why i think it works out so well for now a little more then 6 years, its for us completly ok to step out of our rolls if one of us needs it. We never rushed things, we met as we both were 19 since then we tryt out everything always agreed to limits just to overcome them eventually, if something dosnt work for us we stop doing it. As example i was for some times sleeping on a plank bed in another room it was meant to let me more feel like a object gets put away if its not needet. In theory it made especially me horny as fuck to be treatet like that but in practice we both not enjoyt it and Mistress stopt it after about 2 weeks. To be near each other at night was way more important for us then we thought. Nothing is ever writen in stone for us, reality sometimes crushes on you for example. In the morning you make plans for a weekday session after work. You get home. Ready up, waiting for her but not your Mistress comes home, but your girlfriend and she needs you more than you need her as your Mistress rn, she just needs you to talk or to cuddle and eat a lot of icecream. For us thats perfect.
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