A post about one of my biggest kinks, and the misunderstanding of being a sub in the eyes of vanillas.
One of my kinks, and a very important one is what i would call non sexual submission. Non sexual is not a good word, but i havent found a better word for it, cuz its very sexual and intense and comes in many forms. But its not sex or play (like simple being tied up and teased) at all. And its not even for my mistress alone, even if she ofc likes it to watch and command me if shes around, what then can lead to play but it dont have to.
Its to convert everyday stuff into a submission for myself. It gives me so much peace and chills, to do normal simple chores, as an example naked with a gag and tied up. No one has to be around. It does make a lot more fun if my mistress commands me here and then but its not the chill i recive. Boring stuff like doing home office can be exciting, if i do it in my sub safespace and the only thing my mistress has to do, is lock a cuff or tell me the position i have to do it and then leave me working. Cuz it is some important stuff for work and it has to be done.
Another safespace is to show me to the world as the sub i am. Society refuses me to show totaly open, at work or just in the grocery store that me i truly am. My chastity belt, my collar or calling my mistress Herrin (The german word for Mistress) in public is not something hard for me to do. Its hard to fit in and not to do, as i want and would do at home or with likemindet. There are moments this wrongful shame overcomes me, if mistress wants something "Unnormal" in the eyes of a Vanilla in public, but we all can agree i guess this shame makes it so exciting.
Doing chores like cleaning up or doing dishes its much harder to do, if you are restrained and its even ineffective and takes much longer, but thats not the point in doing it for me. The way to do is.
It has to be cleaned and its not fun to just do it, but you can turn it into something very relaxing if you do it in subspace or in domspace if you want to call it like that.
If you do it, ther are some difficultys you have to overcome. As example, you cant cook with a ballgag cuz you have to taste, so use a spidergag.
Basicly time you would normaly waste at home after you work your ass of, can become something good and can prime some kinks if mistress comes home and you are already in her safespace, the dominant part to.
We have just one life, and i think we should use as many time we have, to do what we like.
For me this "non-sexual submission" is by far more important as doing the actual play, its on the same level as aftercare.
The play, is the obvious part of BDSM (another word i dont like) the "porn" part. Vanillas are scared of this part, cuz they dont understand the symbiosis of what it means to be Dom and sub. Yes a lot of things are more sexualized as in a vanilla realationship, but not cuz only the dominant part wants it like that. Vanillas seems to see subs not as mentaly stable cuz they want to be dominatet. In my case (i point that out cuz i know thats just a very small part of the Community) to be physically and to a certain point psychologically hurt and pushed. We have 2018 and still the mayority dont understand BDSM is NOT Abuse. It makes me very sad and angry that people think i am a victim of my mistress. They take our almost 6 year long realationship as best friends, lovers and soulmates. All the trust we build being in both rolls; and just made us victims.
I hope you kinksters enjoy reading, maybe it even helps someone in the smalest way. It is very important to me.
Thank you for this wonderful post. I can fully relate to what you call 'non-sexual submission'. The 'non-sexual' part is of course a more relative term and it's always debatable how 'non-sexual' things really are.
Still for me this part of my relationship to my Mistress has grown a lot over the course of the last year and I am very happy about it. For us this is even more on the 'non-sexual' side than what you described. For me it's the little and also bigger things in my every day life that she influences and slowly but surely begins to control and dominate. It's how she gets into my mind and with just a few words manages that I feel that I am fully under her control. Doing tasks for her in such a mindset just feels right and wonderful.
Now descriptions like that could sound alarm bells on a Vanilla's side. Without the proper context this could sound like she's using and maybe abusing me. Which is why your second point in your post is very important. Communication, trust and consent. These are the pillars of such a relationship. I am not a victim. I fully understand the changes that are happening and I am welcoming them happily. Being able to trust my Mistress completely and submitting to her is an absolute gift and makes me happy every single day.
@phoenix So true! Its the simplest things in behavior. My mistress want me to stand on my toes if i am not on all fours. After the years i do it automatically even as the dom part. Anytime i catch me do it, it makes me smile and very happy. I smile right now just thinking about it. Thats what a vanilla never can understand.
Love and merry christmas to your Mistress and to you.
What small and yet really wonderful little change to your every day life! I understand how this can make you very happy.
A wonderful Merry Christmas to your Mistress and to you!
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